


pancake

by dinnerwithseungwan



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinnerwithseungwan/pseuds/dinnerwithseungwan
Summary: we all need a joohyun
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	pancake

Seungwan does not always get things right the first time. Or the fourth. And that is why her ears have six studs pierced and a huggie nestled by the conch. She says sorry more than she should and over the trivial things that don't really matter. She knows, sometimes, it can be tiring to assure her it is not her fault. But it is. It always feels like it is. Because that is how it always is when you are stuck in this big empty. In this big empty, everything rewinds at the back of her eyes like a movie only that she is tortured to watch. The time they were held hostage in the dance studio because she kept on messing up the routine, the insensitive words she uttered that made Yerim cry, the comments their manager told her not to read but she did anyway because at the back of her mind, she thinks she deserves it. It is really her fault. And it is her fault that she never learned how to swim. And it is her fault she refuses to drown.

So she wades. Seungwan tries to wade out of the big empty. She works. She busies herself. She tires herself out. It is her punishment. And a reward. Because when her muscles burn and give up, there won't be any movies playing when she closes her eyes. The blanket does not seem too heavy and suffocating anymore. And it does not matter if she is still in the middle of the big empty- as long as her neck is above the waters and a land is on sight. Tomorrow, she can try again. Tomorrow, the current might bring her closer to where it is easier to breathe.

But sometimes, this current is just too sneaky a foe for a grand entrance. It does not come in crashing waves. It comes in ripples, little by little, gradually, subtly. It does not raise alarms. It is silent and lurking. At the back stage. In the showers. Between Sooyoung and Seulgi. It is in every habit she incorporated in her life to retain her functionality. 

So Seungwan goes for another piercing. It is always better than to let herself bleed. At night, she lies on her bed awake, afraid that if she closes her eyes longer than a blink, the current will take her away from the shore. But even with her eyes glued on the romantic flush mount on her ceiling, it being her tether to the coast, she can still feel her body dipping into the cushion and into nothingness. So Seungwan gets up and heads into the living room. She sits on the couch, knees against her chest, and opens the television, flipping the channels mindlessly. She fills in the silence with the rambling of a sportscaster and hopes to catch his enthusiasm. It always fails but she can try. 

A thud from a closing door mixes with the ambient noise. Seungwan instinctively says sorry as she presses down the volume key. "Am I too loud?"

Joohyun shakes her head. She never says it is too loud. "Can't sleep again?"

"I am not that tired," Seungwan answers with her half-sincere smile. Joohyun knows she is not saying the truth anyway. Otherwise, she would not be bringing a pillow and blanket for Seungwan.

She lets herself welcome Joohyun's presence next to her, allows her knee to touch Joohyun's behind her cotton pajamas. "I liked the pancakes you made this morning."

"It was soaked in oil," Seungwan laughs dryly.

"I liked it still. It was perfectly crisp on the edge. The flavor was amazing. You should let me cook with you, Wan-ah." 

Seungwan hums. Joohyun always has a way to be there, on the shore, with a light beam to guide her. 

She blindly searches for Joohyun's hand. She does not always initiate contact as it is mostly the other way around, but this time, she feels like holding Joohyun's dainty hand. It almost always surprises her how they always find each other's. Seungwan gives it a gentle squeeze and leaves hers on the back of Joohyun's. 

"Thank you, Joohyun." She whispers and looks at the older. 

The colors of the screen illuminates Joohyun's soft features. She stares at Seungwan, longingly, like her parted lips are about to say something. Perhaps a confession. An actual one other than the endearing words and knowing glances hidden behind their special bond. Joohyun blinks slowly and says something even better. More apt. Something Seungwan actually wants to hear. "You are always welcome, Seungwan. Always."

Joohyun promises to stay with her until she falls asleep. 


End file.
